6 thoughts on “Boyhood Streets | Moon haiku poem example | 020309

  1. well, ken, i’ve had the urge to write you several times over the last few days to say, “i sure liked that haiku” – the word several is key of course – y’know my dad and i parked in front of my old house – people came out and asked what the f. we were doing there – however, my old dishwasher was parked in the driveway – feel free to use that…

  2. Dave – Yes, many thanks are due. I wish I could preserve and prolong that awareness of thankfulness.

    Craig – Thanks for the visit, old friend. Loved your haiku post (Swimming Dust). Gotta get you a site. Or, you can keep ’em coming here.

  3. Ken, picking up the discussion begun a few days ago (initiated by Matt), haiku commonly combines a 3-line format (in English,anyway) with a two-part structure: set-up & payoff, fragment & phrase, etc. You might have such a combination here if you dropped line 3 and rearranged the lineation

    boyhood streets
    the same chill wind through
    the same bare trees

    Line 3 introduces a third element to the structure, and, for me, compromises the power of the first two lines. Another way to go:

    boyhood streets
    new moon through
    the bare trees

    But, of course, your poems belong to you, and the final decision is always yours.

  4. Bill – The feedback is very helpful, and I think your version reads very well.

    Others have mentioned to me the two-part structure of haiku. I need to reconsider how I have been approaching the form.

  5. Yesterday, i was feeling blue, wanted to post a haiku about the new moon on my Facebook and stumbled across yours. I loved this one, think it’s very fine, posted it on FB with your name attributed (of course) and wanted to let you know that eight of my friends “liked” it.

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