9 thoughts on “More Footprints | Snow haiku poem examples | 011209

  1. I like the last one the best as well, but I needed the progression of versions to get me to that point of awareness.

    This site is not just about publishing poems, but also the practice and process. My formal education is in psychology and philosophy, and I tend (if you have not already noticed!) toward generalized descriptions. The insight is often sharp, but it gets blurred in the sharing.

    I published these as a series for two reasons: (1) I liked each one for different reasons; and, (2) If I am serious about practice, process, and feedback, I need to share the whole bloody mess. Well, not the whole mess, but you see what I’m after.

    Thanks for hanging in there!

  2. The last is the tightest – but you’re right that several have their virtues. As you’ve noticed I revise a good bit too.
    I’m just wondering:
    Fresh snow –
    Footprints under
    my window.
    ?? It’s hard to saying having read all the earlier one’s but I think that might catch the sense of intrusion into your yard as well as the visual of the footprints.
    take care . . .

  3. I struggled with “my” in the last one, which, if used, would complete the forward motion of the intrusion. I held back, perhaps from fear (!), but also because I thought “the” prompted an ambiguous unease in the reader. Whose window? Exactly.

  4. I just spent the afternoon hiking in gratitude after our first snowstorm in two years. I chose to walk through the beloved blanket and became aware of an unsettling feeling: my footprints are breaking the perfect white surface of snow – and that’s ok. But when I had to walk across an open space that connects the backyards of many, I saw them as intrusions. Therefore, i was taken by your first poem immediately…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s