6 thoughts on “Frozen Ground | Animals haiku poem example | 120708

  1. Gee, I think I like it better with “only” in there. One way or another, though, it’s one of my favorites on this site so far. The sense of smell doesn’t get its due often enough in haiku – or poetry in general.

  2. Dave – Thanks for the feedback. I like “only” as well. I think the rhythm worked better, and it seemed to expand the suggestiveness. What did you like?

    As I learn haiku, I am trying to be severe and spare in my use of words and sounds. Out it came. Perhaps it’ll go back.

    Your comment about smell is interesting. Although many of our memories and emotions are tied to smell, I think our habits and (English) vocabulary leave us less able to describe this sensation. I will have to start noticing it more.

    Suddenly, I am surrounded by cabbage and bubble gum!

    Thanks again.

  3. Well, I understand the desire for spareness, but I’d be careful of being too strict – poetry is an impure art in my view. Personally, whenever I’m faced with a decision like this – practically every other word in a poem – I tend to go with whatever best fits the sound and rhythm. But that’s just one of many valid approaches to composition, I’m sure.

  4. Thanks again. I’m going to add it back.

    I think the edit-comments plugin makes leaving comments a more thoughtful experience. I can edit – I *need* to edit – so why shouldn’t visitors have the same ability to respond, read, reflect, change?

    I also use the Subscribe to Comments plugin so people can follow the comment-stream (if there is one!).

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