10 thoughts on “Wet Leaves | Leaves haiku poem example | 112408

  1. Well, you’ve got my number. I’ve been vague all my life. Sometime I’m not even sure what I’m talking about!

    I was trying to capture the break into awareness/pause/return to routine.

    How’s this:

    Wet leaves,
    heavy air, pause
    then steps.

  2. Isn’t the resuming of the steps understood? If it wasn’t, you’d still be standing there. And I think “pause” already means it is temporary.

    I don’t know what exactly made you pause, and maybe you don’t either. If so, it could be something like:

    Wet leaves, heavy air,
    something made me pause
    in my steps.

  3. Maybe the problem is, that there is no pause at all in the haiku itself. Which somehow negates the idea of the pause you mention. It diminishes the urgency.

    I try not to use the ellipsis too often, some haikuists use it all the time, but maybe here it could do wonders.

    Rearranging your words I get:
    In heavy air
    I pause…
    on wet leaves.

  4. I think this may work –

    I pause –
    the heavy air on
    wet leaves.

    What do you think? I like the dash and rhythm, but does “on” work?

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