Comments on: Boyhood Streets | Moon haiku poem example | 020309

By: Ken Wagner

Ken Wagner — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 02:21:39 +0000

Bill – The feedback is very helpful, and I think your version reads very well.

Others have mentioned to me the two-part structure of haiku. I need to reconsider how I have been approaching the form.

By: Bill

Bill — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 16:17:56 +0000

Ken, picking up the discussion begun a few days ago (initiated by Matt), haiku commonly combines a 3-line format (in English,anyway) with a two-part structure: set-up & payoff, fragment & phrase, etc. You might have such a combination here if you dropped line 3 and rearranged the lineation

boyhood streets
the same chill wind through
the same bare trees

Line 3 introduces a third element to the structure, and, for me, compromises the power of the first two lines. Another way to go:

boyhood streets
new moon through
the bare trees

But, of course, your poems belong to you, and the final decision is always yours.

By: Ken Wagner

Ken Wagner — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 00:42:32 +0000

Dave - Yes, many thanks are due. I wish I could preserve and prolong that awareness of thankfulness. Craig - Thanks for the visit, old friend. Loved your haiku post (Swimming Dust). Gotta get you a site. Or, you can keep 'em coming here.

By: Craig

Craig — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 18:18:23 +0000

well, ken, i’ve had the urge to write you several times over the last few days to say, “i sure liked that haiku” – the word several is key of course – y’know my dad and i parked in front of my old house – people came out and asked what the f. we were doing there – however, my old dishwasher was parked in the driveway – feel free to use that…

By: Dave Bonta

Dave Bonta — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 04:09:06 +0000

It’s never the same moon, is it? Thank god for that.