Comments on: Headlights Shine | Rain haiku poem example | 011409

By: Maryam E. Rezagah

Maryam E. Rezagah — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 17:06:41 +0000

Interesting! Different composition of words can describe the same scene! I liked the first version and Adriaan’s version

By: Ken Wagner

Ken Wagner — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 01:42:21 +0000

I think you nailed it, Adriaan. By capturing the light with “glistening,” you were able to place the focus squarely on the motion of the raindrops. Great work!

By: Adriaan

Adriaan — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 12:24:28 +0000

midnight drive…
glistening raindrops bounce
on a puddle.

By: Ken Wagner

Ken Wagner — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 00:54:12 +0000

Kris - Thanks for the feedback. Your poem captures the moment very well. sanjay - Thanks for the comment! I have enjoyed following your site. I'm a subscriber! Dr Zen - You have been quite active on Twitter! The two samples you posted here are quite nice and on point.

By: Dr Zen

Dr Zen — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 15:00:06 +0000

The rainy dawn,
hidden by banana leaf
butterflies dream…

By: Dr Zen

Dr Zen — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 14:57:29 +0000

Colourless?
Moon in sky,
Rainbow..

By: sanjay rajan

sanjay rajan — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 07:45:51 +0000

u might like this one…from england where it only rains.
http://haikuexpeditions.com/2009/01/12/the-hotel/

By: sanjay rajan

sanjay rajan — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 07:43:55 +0000

i like raindrop bouncing…i can see it.

By: Kris

Kris — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 01:26:21 +0000

Actually prefer the first version. I like that it gives you that’s it’s road scene, seen from sidewalk or car.
What follows is not a suggestion, but my own version from memories of the same sight:

Heavy raindrops fall,
bounce up from glinting puddles
in headlights’ shine

By: Ken Wagner

Ken Wagner — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 20:44:53 +0000

You are always on target, Adriaan. What do you think about -

Raindrops hit,
bounce, then settle in lamp-lit
puddles.