Headlights shine
on puddles, raindrops
bouncing.
Ken Wagner on Haiku Habits
Headlights Shine | Rain haiku poem example | 011409
January 14, 2009 · 11 Comments
Categories: Haiku Poems About Rain
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Recent Comments
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Headlights shine
on puddles, raindrops
bouncing.
Ken Wagner on Haiku Habits
Categories: Haiku Poems About Rain
11 responses so far ↓
Adriaan // January 15, 2009 at 5:44 am |
Have you tried making the headlights the shorter image and the raindrops bouncing the longer one?
Ken Wagner // January 17, 2009 at 3:44 pm |
You are always on target, Adriaan. What do you think about -
Raindrops hit,
bounce, then settle in lamp-lit
puddles.
Kris // January 17, 2009 at 8:26 pm |
Actually prefer the first version. I like that it gives you that’s it’s road scene, seen from sidewalk or car.
What follows is not a suggestion, but my own version from memories of the same sight:
Heavy raindrops fall,
bounce up from glinting puddles
in headlights’ shine
sanjay rajan // January 18, 2009 at 2:43 am |
i like raindrop bouncing…i can see it.
sanjay rajan // January 18, 2009 at 2:45 am |
u might like this one…from england where it only rains.
http://haikuexpeditions.com/2009/01/12/the-hotel/
Dr Zen // January 18, 2009 at 9:57 am |
Colourless?
Moon in sky,
Rainbow..
Dr Zen // January 18, 2009 at 10:00 am |
The rainy dawn,
hidden by banana leaf
butterflies dream…
Ken Wagner // January 18, 2009 at 7:54 pm |
Kris – Thanks for the feedback. Your poem captures the moment very well.
sanjay – Thanks for the comment! I have enjoyed following your site. I’m a subscriber!
Dr Zen – You have been quite active on Twitter! The two samples you posted here are quite nice and on point.
Adriaan // January 19, 2009 at 7:24 am |
midnight drive…
glistening raindrops bounce
on a puddle.
Ken Wagner // January 19, 2009 at 8:42 pm |
I think you nailed it, Adriaan. By capturing the light with “glistening,” you were able to place the focus squarely on the motion of the raindrops. Great work!
Maryam E. Rezagah // February 11, 2010 at 12:06 pm |
Interesting! Different composition of words can describe the same scene! I liked the first version and Adriaan’s version