(a snow series)
Fresh snow -
Footprints where they
don’t belong.
Fresh snow -
Unknown footprints
cross the yard.
Fresh snow -
A stranger walked through
my backyard.
Fresh snow -
Footprints under
the window.
Ken Wagner on Haiku Habits
More Footprints | Snow haiku poem examples | 011209
Filed under Haiku Poems About Snow
I like the last one the best.
This is a good series. I too like the last one. It is very tight.
As I live in Delhi, the following is my response.
fresh snow-
whats that?
I dunno!
May be:
fresh snow
under the window
footprints
I like the last one the best as well, but I needed the progression of versions to get me to that point of awareness.
This site is not just about publishing poems, but also the practice and process. My formal education is in psychology and philosophy, and I tend (if you have not already noticed!) toward generalized descriptions. The insight is often sharp, but it gets blurred in the sharing.
I published these as a series for two reasons: (1) I liked each one for different reasons; and, (2) If I am serious about practice, process, and feedback, I need to share the whole bloody mess. Well, not the whole mess, but you see what I’m after.
Thanks for hanging in there!
The last is the tightest – but you’re right that several have their virtues. As you’ve noticed I revise a good bit too.
I’m just wondering:
Fresh snow -
Footprints under
my window.
?? It’s hard to saying having read all the earlier one’s but I think that might catch the sense of intrusion into your yard as well as the visual of the footprints.
take care . . .
I struggled with “my” in the last one, which, if used, would complete the forward motion of the intrusion. I held back, perhaps from fear (!), but also because I thought “the” prompted an ambiguous unease in the reader. Whose window? Exactly.
I’m delighted to read your process, your readers’ comments, and the follow-up.
Deb – Yes, that is what I hope for Haiku Habits. To grow, through haiku, together.