Comments on: Sunlight Glistens | Sun haiku poem example | 120308

By: Adriaan

Adriaan — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 11:07:02 +0000

By: Ken Wagner

Ken Wagner — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 02:31:10 +0000

Maybe it’s not good, but I like it. Woof!

By: Adriaan

Adriaan — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 09:41:33 +0000

What if you change what’s longer and what’s shorter?

Maybe like this: I squint and shiver / in the glistening sun. / This frozen road.

By: Ken Wagner

Ken Wagner — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 02:31:12 +0000

I see your point, but I like this one.

I like the contrast between the sensations – flash of the sun vs. cold freeze. Two different prompts, but the same reaction – the muscular contraction of a shiver or a squint. Yet, the two types of contractions are very different.

I also like the rhythm and unexpected sounds.

No?

By: Adriaan

Adriaan — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 16:34:52 +0000

Isn’t this a bit too one on one? The sunlight glistens, so I squint; the road is frozen over, so I shiver.