Sunlight glistens
on frozen asphalt. I
shiver and squint.
Ken Wagner on Haiku Habits
Sunlight Glistens | Sun haiku poem example | 120308
December 3, 2008 · 5 Comments
Categories: Haiku Poems About The Sun
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Sunlight glistens
on frozen asphalt. I
shiver and squint.
Ken Wagner on Haiku Habits
Categories: Haiku Poems About The Sun
5 responses so far ↓
Adriaan // December 4, 2008 at 11:34 am |
Isn’t this a bit too one on one? The sunlight glistens, so I squint; the road is frozen over, so I shiver.
Ken Wagner // December 4, 2008 at 9:31 pm |
I see your point, but I like this one.
I like the contrast between the sensations – flash of the sun vs. cold freeze. Two different prompts, but the same reaction – the muscular contraction of a shiver or a squint. Yet, the two types of contractions are very different.
I also like the rhythm and unexpected sounds.
No?
Adriaan // December 5, 2008 at 4:41 am |
What if you change what’s longer and what’s shorter?
Maybe like this: I squint and shiver / in the glistening sun. / This frozen road.
Ken Wagner // December 5, 2008 at 9:31 pm |
Maybe it’s not good, but I like it. Woof!
Adriaan // December 6, 2008 at 6:07 am |