Comments on: Nose to Sky | Dogs haiku poem example | 112108 http://haikuhabits.com/2008/11/21/nose-to-sky/ How to Write Short Poems for Personal Growth: A Forum for Examples and Commentary Fri, 03 Feb 2012 21:09:43 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.com/ By: Adriaan http://haikuhabits.com/2008/11/21/nose-to-sky/#comment-38 Sat, 29 Nov 2008 10:54:45 +0000 http://haikuhabits.com/?p=49#comment-38 Woof

]]> By: Ken Wagner http://haikuhabits.com/2008/11/21/nose-to-sky/#comment-37 Sat, 29 Nov 2008 00:50:21 +0000 http://haikuhabits.com/?p=49#comment-37 Yes, I like it better now. I read it to Rocco – the poodle – and he likes it, too! Thanks.

]]> By: Adriaan http://haikuhabits.com/2008/11/21/nose-to-sky/#comment-36 Fri, 28 Nov 2008 09:21:32 +0000 http://haikuhabits.com/?p=49#comment-36 “Inhaling”…, like it! You could also have him inhale autumn, from what you’re telling here. Would that work? The rhythm of “inhaling sky” is better, I think.

]]> By: Ken Wagner http://haikuhabits.com/2008/11/21/nose-to-sky/#comment-35 Fri, 28 Nov 2008 01:39:31 +0000 http://haikuhabits.com/?p=49#comment-35 Good point. The challenge is spot on. This was definitely a magical moment – the first fall scent swirl for a spirited and curious dog. So lets try again.

Was -
A warm breeze swirls.
My poodle lifts his nose
to the sky.

]]> By: Adriaan http://haikuhabits.com/2008/11/21/nose-to-sky/#comment-34 Thu, 27 Nov 2008 08:22:52 +0000 http://haikuhabits.com/?p=49#comment-34 Yes. There’s just one thing bothering me (a bit), the thing that bothers me most in most of my own haiku as well: the so-called “so what” factor.

I think that’s the hardest of all. Haiku generally are too short to impress by clever language alone, so how keep them interesting? How to steer between the Scylla and Charybdis? At one side there’s haiku with too clever “I bet you’ve never seen this” images, and at the other side there’s the “so what” images, both to be avoided, I think. This is what makes haiku so hard to do.

]]> By: Ken Wagner http://haikuhabits.com/2008/11/21/nose-to-sky/#comment-33 Thu, 27 Nov 2008 02:15:53 +0000 http://haikuhabits.com/?p=49#comment-33 Original -

Warm breeze swirls.
Poodle lifts nose to sky,
inhaling the scene.

]]> By: Adriaan http://haikuhabits.com/2008/11/21/nose-to-sky/#comment-32 Wed, 26 Nov 2008 08:45:21 +0000 http://haikuhabits.com/?p=49#comment-32 This way it sounds as if “Poodle” is the dog’s name. Why not this:

A warm breeze swirls,
a poodle lifts his nose
to the sky.

or

A warm breeze swirls,
a poodle points nose and tail
to the sky.

]]> By: Ken Wagner http://haikuhabits.com/2008/11/21/nose-to-sky/#comment-31 Wed, 26 Nov 2008 03:11:44 +0000 http://haikuhabits.com/?p=49#comment-31 How about -

Warm breeze swirls.
Poodle lifts his nose to
sky.

]]> By: aj3d http://haikuhabits.com/2008/11/21/nose-to-sky/#comment-30 Tue, 25 Nov 2008 21:20:29 +0000 http://haikuhabits.com/?p=49#comment-30 Are you sure it wouldn’t get better using articles? If it becomes too long to your liking, you could consider skipping or changing the third line (it’s a bit redundant as it is now).

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