Haiku Habits

Nose to Sky | Dogs haiku poem example | 112108

November 21, 2008 · 9 Comments

harry

A warm breeze swirls.
My poodle lifts his nose,
inhaling sky.

Ken Wagner on Haiku Habits

Image by ninjapoodles via Flickr

Categories: Haiku Poems About Dogs

9 responses so far ↓

  • aj3d // November 25, 2008 at 4:20 pm | Reply

    Are you sure it wouldn’t get better using articles? If it becomes too long to your liking, you could consider skipping or changing the third line (it’s a bit redundant as it is now).

  • Ken Wagner // November 25, 2008 at 10:11 pm | Reply

    How about -

    Warm breeze swirls.
    Poodle lifts his nose to
    sky.

  • Adriaan // November 26, 2008 at 3:45 am | Reply

    This way it sounds as if “Poodle” is the dog’s name. Why not this:

    A warm breeze swirls,
    a poodle lifts his nose
    to the sky.

    or

    A warm breeze swirls,
    a poodle points nose and tail
    to the sky.

  • Ken Wagner // November 26, 2008 at 9:15 pm | Reply

    Original -

    Warm breeze swirls.
    Poodle lifts nose to sky,
    inhaling the scene.

  • Adriaan // November 27, 2008 at 3:22 am | Reply

    Yes. There’s just one thing bothering me (a bit), the thing that bothers me most in most of my own haiku as well: the so-called “so what” factor.

    I think that’s the hardest of all. Haiku generally are too short to impress by clever language alone, so how keep them interesting? How to steer between the Scylla and Charybdis? At one side there’s haiku with too clever “I bet you’ve never seen this” images, and at the other side there’s the “so what” images, both to be avoided, I think. This is what makes haiku so hard to do.

  • Ken Wagner // November 27, 2008 at 8:39 pm | Reply

    Good point. The challenge is spot on. This was definitely a magical moment – the first fall scent swirl for a spirited and curious dog. So lets try again.

    Was -
    A warm breeze swirls.
    My poodle lifts his nose
    to the sky.

  • Adriaan // November 28, 2008 at 4:21 am | Reply

    “Inhaling”…, like it! You could also have him inhale autumn, from what you’re telling here. Would that work? The rhythm of “inhaling sky” is better, I think.

  • Ken Wagner // November 28, 2008 at 7:50 pm | Reply

    Yes, I like it better now. I read it to Rocco – the poodle – and he likes it, too! Thanks.

  • Adriaan // November 29, 2008 at 5:54 am | Reply

    Woof

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